A penny for your thoughts...

Okay, so. I've been away ages and I am about to explain exactly why.

My cousin who at one time was more like a brother to me, was taken away from us in December. His girlfriend of the time decided to stab him to death through his lung, punchering his heart. She was T.A trained and knew exactly what she was doing... He didn't see it coming :'(

The court case has just started and to make matters worse her solicitors and defence barrister have told her to plead not guilty on the grounds of no other than self-defence in-spite of the 999 tape being her screaming that she has killed her boyfriend.

So this is dragging it out longer and longer. The evidence is building up and it is in our favour, but every time I step into court I feel like he has died again. It's horrific. And all I can play over and over in my mind is her evil face and the fact that she's destroyed an otherwise happy family (I can't stand to see my Aunty cry).

There is the nagging doubt that she'll get off too... I don't really know why. Perhaps because I have lost faith in a lot of human-kind. If someone can be so evil as to kill someone -- who's to say the jury aren't all evil too and decide she should be let-off?

In turn this has made me ill anyway, I haven't slept properly in days maybe weeks; waking up every other hour. And now I have an almighty cold and sore throat. I think because I am run-down. Not been to work either. Facing the world seems impossible.

I just miss him y'know :'(